You’ve Gone Soft. Here’s Why That’s Killing You.
Most men today are numb.
You scroll. You binge. You drink. You work just enough to get by. You’ve traded danger for comfort, and now you wonder why you feel nothing.
The stats don’t lie: 86% of men still define manhood as being a provider, yet men facing financial strain are 16 times more likely to report suicidal thoughts. Half of young men today have three friends or fewer. Fifteen percent have none.
You’re struggling with a discipline crisis. And as a man, that makes this a masculine crisis.
The Problem
Here’s what nobody wants to say: you’ve become lazy. Sedated. Passive. And the world has made it easy for you to stay that way.
Social media rewards your outrage. Porn rewards your isolation. Alcohol rewards your avoidance. You’re hitting the pause button on your problems instead of just tackling them head on. And every time you hit pause, you get weaker.
R. Kent Hughes wrote about the disciplines of a godly man, and the introduction alone should wreck you: discipline isn’t optional for the Christian man. It’s foundational. Without it, you’re not a warrior. This is what we are covering this week in The King’s Library - a section for our Men’s group to read books together.
The enemy just needs to distract you. Keep you comfortable. Keep you scrolling. Keep you drinking. Keep you numb. Because a numb man is a neutralized man.
Recent research on Christian men shows that accountability is “perhaps the leading indicator of spiritual success in a man’s life.” But here’s the problem: most men have no one holding them accountable. You’re fighting alone. And losing.
The Truth
Here’s what I learned the hard way: when I become lazy, I become weak. When I’m weak, I drop my defenses. And when my defenses are down, I’m subject to temptation.
I used alcohol to numb. To pause. To avoid. And it worked—for about six hours at a time. Then the problems were still there, except now I was weaker, more ashamed, and less capable of facing them.
Being disciplined enough to abstain didn’t just help me quit drinking. It led me back to being a biblical man. A creator. A protector. The kind of man my family needs. The kind of man my friends need. The kind of dangerous man God designed me to be.
Not dangerous in the toxic sense. Dangerous in the righteous sense. Dangerous to the enemy. Dangerous to passivity. Dangerous to the lies that tell you comfort is better than courage.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 doesn’t mince words: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
Act like men. Not boys. Not consumers. Not passive observers of your own life. Men.
Scripture is clear: spiritual warfare is real, and you’re in it whether you acknowledge it or not. The battle isn’t just “out there.” It’s in your phone. Your fridge. Your thought life. Your calendar. Every area where you’ve traded discipline for distraction is a foothold for the enemy.
A recent study found that men endorsing “Red Pill” ideologies are 2.2 times more likely to trust authoritarian figures. Why? Because when you reject biblical discipline, you’ll grasp at any framework that promises strength, even counterfeit strength. Even destructive strength.
Biblical manhood isn’t about crushing it at the gym or dominating in business. It’s about submitting to God’s discipline so you can lead with strength, love with courage, and fight with purpose. Paradoxically it is about being vulnerable. Vulnerable enough to realize you can’t fix yourself by yourself
The Challenge
This week, I’m not asking you to overhaul your life. I’m asking you to reject passivity in one area.
Pick one discipline you’ve been avoiding:
- Accountability with another man
- Getting up early to pray
- Cutting out the substance you use to numb
- Spending intentional time with your wife or kids
- Physical training that makes you uncomfortable
One discipline. Seven days. No excuses.
Here’s the brutal truth: if you can’t handle one week of discipline in one area, you’re not ready to lead. You’re not ready to protect. You’re not ready to be the man God designed you to be.
You need brothers who will ask the hard questions. Who won’t let you coast. Who love you enough to call you out when you’re numbing instead of fighting.
So here’s your move: text one man right now. Tell him what you’re committing to this week. Ask him to check in on you Friday.
If you can’t think of one man to text, that’s your real problem. And that needs to change this week too.
Stand firm. Walk worthy. Lead well.
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What I’m Reading This Week
State of American Men 2025 - [Equimundo Report]
https://www.equimundo.org/resources/state-of-american-men-2025/
The data is stark: men are more isolated, more suicidal, and more passive than ever. Economic anxiety is the new masculinity crisis. Worth the full read.
Top 10 Challenges Christian Men Will Face in 2025 - [Grace Chapel]
https://www.grace.org/lexington-men/read-the-top-10-challenges-christian-men-will-face-in-2025/
Digital habits, pornography, and screen time top the list. These aren’t new struggles.
5 Disciplines to Build in Every Man - [Resolute / Vince Miller]
https://beresolute.org/5-disciplines-to-build-in-every-man/
Vince Miller breaks down the core disciplines every man needs. Accountability tops the list. As it should.
10 Disciplines of a Godly Man - [Crossway]
https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-disciplines-of-a-godly-man/
Based on R. Kent Hughes’ book. This is the framework we’re building on for the next six weeks.
The Power of Accountability - [Living Hope Ministries]
https://www.livehope.org/article/the_power_of_accountability/
“True biblical masculinity does not call men to battle alone.” Enough said.
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You Don’t Have to Fight Alone
This is exactly why I built Crown and Compass -
a brotherhood of Christian men committed to the Four Pillars: Body, Being, Balance, and Business.
We’re reading through Hughes’ *Disciplines of a
Godly Man* together in The King’s Library this month. We’re challenging each other with weekly quests. We’re checking in daily with the Core 4.
And we’re done with fighting this battle isolated and numb.
If you need brothers who will text you on Friday. Who will ask the hard questions. Who won’t let you coast - [join us here].
The first step is always the hardest. But you don’t have to take it alone.
**Next Week:** Disciplines of a Godly Man - Part 2: Purity